Precisely Grammar

From: USENET
From: "DavidKent" <David@yorkie2.fsworld.co.uk>
Subject: Precisely - grammar
Date: 02 April 2002 10:41

Grammar Guidelines

01. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
02. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
03. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
04. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
05. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
06. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
07. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
08. Be more or less specific.
09. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than unnecessary; it is
highly superfluous.
14. One should never generalise.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Do not use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words (however)
should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one will suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Profanity is for assholes.
26. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shatteringideas.
27. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
28. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations.
Tell me what you know."
29. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it effectively.
30. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
31. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
32. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
33. Who needs rhetorical questions?
34. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than an understatement.


And finally:
35. Proof read carefully to see if you any words out.